Home » Memories » To my friend…Advice that falls on deaf ears…

To my friend…Advice that falls on deaf ears…

…we all give advice at some point to someone who might be listening, but inside their head there is another thought process going on.

They see the wisdom in what you’re saying, but whatever they are thinking either makes your advice redundant, problematic or impossible to follow.

Hey sometimes they are just stubborn.

Okay, I get it, been there done that.

I had people giving me advice and that voice in my head kept saying why that advice was impossible.

I get it.

As you say to me, “He pushed me into the wall so hard, I had to be taken to the E.R.”

I get why my saying call the Police is not getting through.

As you say, “I don’t want to blow it out of proportion.”

Stunned I stop, because I actually said those very words to a female Police officer, while hiding the majority of the bruises under my house coat.

I went further than you did Cath, I actually said to them, it must be my fault, first serious relationship, he got violent and I over reacted.  I am too sensitive. I blew it all out of proportion…my reaction to being hit repeatedly…and called the Police. Somehow calling the Police after being beaten up, seemed wrong, my fault, so much trouble for just me.

I remember their expressions, as they looked at my bruised face.

Ya, like it’s normal to be beaten up.

I get it.

I remember all of it.

You need to call the Police now.

Pointing out why I am right, meets silence.

It isn’t easy, I know it.  I did it. The very first time he grabbed me and shoved me into a wall, I remember the stunned feeling of disbelief that, that just happened.

I went quiet, my mind working out how this could be happening in this situation, with this person…I imagine the look on my face was somewhat a cross between stunned, shocked, scared and appalled.

Of course that was just the opening volley, your new here girl, that’s not all that is on the itinerary.

You can play back every second and think, “I should have”…but it’s hindsight…20/20 and rosy to boot.

Now I know snagglepuss was a far more brilliant critter than I initially gave him credit for, “Exit stage left” not too shabby advice in some circumstances.

I should have left the apartment, gone to work, called the Police.

See…should have…hindsight…all the stuff that followed that could have been avoided. IF he had let me out of the apartment but…I do not know that for sure do I?

However, when I did get out of being trapped in the bedroom with him, and he left, I did call the Police.

Oh yes, he was so innocent that his friends got him out of the city.

Safely away from the Police.

While his friends, some of which were my bosses, decided to stop by and prevail upon me the view of their community and how they are sure it won’t happen again.

So as my friend says, “I knew he had a temper, and I don’t want him to end up in jail.”

I wince because everyone BUT the Police emphasized how important HE was, what this would do to HIM…

…not on the fact that I was pregnant, alone, hurt and scared.

If not the Police seek help and support for YOU.

You my friend are going through chemo for cancer.

Your not listening to me because that other voice, those other thoughts are busy telling you why I am wrong, what this will do, how he will react, what…

…but as I tell you it’s escalating in a negative way, you stop hearing me.

Even as you agree with everything I say.

Well…I get it…even as I will keep telling you to get help and put yourself first, like I failed to do for too long.

Addendum:

For those who are critical of the Police handling of Domestic Abuse, the Officers that handled the above mentioned incident, and others, were looking for him within an hour of their attending the call.

How do I know?

Because people they spoke to while looking for him, called me, as the Police did not tell them why they were seeking him.

I only found out why he was not located after…apparently they had a wonderful camping trip.

Those involved have to be ready to actually DO something before they can really make changes, get help or just get safe.

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