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In Memory

Tomorrow would have been my brother’s birthday.

I still remember the last time we spoke and what he said…over and over…funny because at that time I was falling apart, in the process of breaking, and yet of all the things to keep in my mind…I was on my own to deal with moms death, he had to work, women are emotional and men are logical…women are emotional and men are logical…rinse and repeat.

He knew what would happen, if not all some, we both knew, we had discussed what the vultures would be like.

Men are logical, women are emotional.

I was always the odd one out in the family, the boys got out as soon as they legally could but I didn’t.  No biggie, it’s life we live it.

Or not.

To some they would like it to be said that they lived their lives as they wished.

It is a pioneers thought, and we have our name on a memorial as one of the “pioneer families” of the area.

He lived his life as he had been shaped to, never bothering to try to mend the damage of the abuse, not ever letting someone in and while most would say he lived his life as he wished, I think he lived his life as he could.  He never changed the shape that they formed him into all those years ago, merely  hardened his exterior. When he sought help for the pains in his chest, collapsing a few months ago on the doorstep of the emergency department, there was no one there with him to care, call for help or even notify me after.

He was the strong one…and he is missed even if he did not realize it while he was alive.

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