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Regret

I entered a room and found a loved one, gone…passed away. I was outside doing chores and I will never know if I was called for help and they waited, hoping I would come and I did not…or if while I was outside listening to music through ear phones and doing chores, they passed in their sleep.
I had been through a lot before then but that “broke” me…for so many reasons.
I never got to say goodbye, to say thank you or do anything except walk into that room.
You know that you can’t change things, as they are happening sometimes, or as you are facing tragedy…no amount of begging will work, no “I am sorry” will be heard and what your left with is that picture and whatever your last moments were.
I promised myself never to forget to express my appreciation or gratitude, to say how I feel or apologize or even forgive.
That keeps me from regret…but some people would not understand it or why I am the way I am.
When do I allow that I will not continue to lose everything I care about and thus be afraid of caring?
Prepare yourself for the worst and expect the best.
Little did I think that would build hurdles and walls between me and others.

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