One of the main reasons why people do not share things, or indeed ask for help is, the reactions of others.
The loss of opinion, respect, value or regard.
No one can actually predict what another person is thinking, how they will react and once you say it, display weakness, need, desperation or fear, you can not take it back.
I sometimes think that is why things like messages in bottles are so popular, the anonymity of authorship.
Someone sent me a message once akin to “grow a pair” after something I posted. I forget what it was.
Funny thing is, they do not know me, yet that comment proves my point, as I am fairly certain the thing being commented on was relatively harmless about fear or insecurity, in this blog somewhere.
It validates the fear of reaching out when your at your weakest, most confused or emotional, and you know what your thinking may receive a negative reception. It’s easier and safer, to just deal with what is already on your plate. Unless you can’t, then you don’t.
No more worries or pain after that.
I knew a couple people who committed suicide. One was a hard core biker. In his case, I know that there was a fling being had between his wife and a rather inane fellow who was into drugs and that caused some whispers to go around about it not really being suicide. I guess the impression of him was that he was hard core, he could handle almost anything, after all you do not get into an MC unless you are somewhat strong or macho. Oh did I forget to mention this fellow broke his back in a motorcycle accident and managed to make it back to walking, and riding again? Ooops.
Another was a fellow in his 30’s who had a family and was losing the family farm. It was he thought, his fault.
Both had friends, family, and there was a myriad of people that would have gotten them through those moments, one way or another, to realize that tomorrow is a new day.
In the first fellows case, he had a best friend, whom I knew, and it practically killed him to go through this because he would have done anything for his friend. He understood the reasons why his friend might not talk to many but why not him?
I won’t touch on those who think the sarcastic re-joiner “slit up not across” is really helpful to the person who does actually broach the subject with you, at that point I am not sure who is in worse shape.
We admire strength, those who accomplish goals, or have steely determination.
There is less understanding for those who make mistakes, fall through the cracks or end up on that dark shaded square, for whatever reason, contemplating the unthinkable.
Obviously it is not, it is a common thought for many, some even consider it a sane and logical option to whatever is going on in their lives at the time.
The problem is not that they are thinking this, it is when they have no one to seek guidance, counsel or just plain conversation, from.
It is easy to blame the person who is gone, wonder why they did not talk to us, but at some point we need to change the stigma from that person to society’s view on weakness.
In order to know your strong, you must have experienced weakness, otherwise you can not appreciate your inner reserves of steel or patch those holes on the more vulnerable bits.
If we were all superman, heaven forbid any of us touch krytonite.